Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
