i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
