So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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