Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
