He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
