his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
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I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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