When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
