ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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