Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
