We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
