Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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