I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
