What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
