I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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