never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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