I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
