She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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