i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
