We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
