he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
