Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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