you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
