hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
