Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize