The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
