Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
