I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize