go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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