thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We are all done wearing pants today
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
