yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
