i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize