She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize