he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
