Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
