remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
