I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
