For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
