look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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