Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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