Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
