Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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