some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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