The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
