This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
