Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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