OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
