My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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