Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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