she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
