She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
