She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You ruined the universe
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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