Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
