Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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