i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Randomize
