Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
