Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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