My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
