I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
