Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
