Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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