Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
