Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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