I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
