Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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