Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
