Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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