I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
