I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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