Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
