I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
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Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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