I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize