Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
