party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
