Christians are straight up FREAKS
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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