I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
