Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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