I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The air taste purple.
Randomize
