apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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