dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
is it fun? or sober?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
